Black Handle
How to Handle It If Your Ex Has Broken Your Heart
It’s to be expected that we might experience extreme emotional upset when we break up. When you’re the one being dumped, you are likely to feel hurt, resentful and certainly somewhat overwhelmed.
What’s the best response? The first thing to do is take a clear look at the situation and decide if you really want your ex back. Sometimes it is best to a relationship end. If you don’t want them in your life, allow yourself to grieve for the relationship and then look forward to having fun being single. Don’t waste your energy trying to get revenge on this person. Revenge only means you are carrying hate in your heart have a ultimately hurt you at least is much as the other person.
But if you really want your ex back in your life and perhaps feel something you did contributed to your relationship ending, it very often is possible to reconcile.
Let things settle down for a few days, then make contact in some low-key way. If it’s appropriate, write them a letter apologizing and taken responsibility for any bad behavior on your part and reminding them of the good times you shared together. You can mention that the relationship meant a lot to you, but don’t talk about trying to patch things up in this first note.
If for some reason you’re not comfortable writing a note you may want to check out look at the page How to Get Your Ex to Return Your Calls for advice on how to initiate phone contact after a breakup.
It’s very likely that you will get a positive response to your letter or call. The next step is to make arrangements to meet. Set it up for a fairly public place such as a coffee shop or a museum. This will help prevent your meeting deteriorating into a shouting match. You should be ready to explain how you feel in a non-judgmental and blame-free way.
Keep the conversation to facts. If you find yourself trying to explain or your reactions, use the word I and not you. For example, you should say “When you danced with that other woman at the party, I felt very jealous” rather than “You always make me feel jealous”. This is a lot less confrontational and less likely to cause offence or lead to another argument. And honestly you alone are responsible for your feelings
If they criticize you, listen calmly and (as difficult as it may be) try not to become defensive. It is best if this is done in a constructive way. We all have our faults and some of your less attractive character traits may be, in part, to blame for why they broke up with you.
You need to listen very attentively together person. Don’t assume you know what they are trying to say. An excellent listing technique is to wait until the person has stopped talking, then repeat back to than what you think you heard. Don’t respond yourself until they agree that you understand their meaning.
One thing to remember is that you’re not the first couple that’s had relationship problems. It strikes me as rather odd that people try to handle something as dramatic as a breakup muddling through on their own, or perhaps talking with friends who don’t have any more experience than they do, instead of getting experienced advice. I’ve found a couple of very effective resources you should definitely consider consulting.
One system I can highly recommend is the Magic of Making Up. It teaches you a step-by-step approach to rebuilding a relationship after breakup. You can take a look at a detailed review of this program at Magic of Making up Review.
Another relationship repair method that I found to be very good is Second Chance Romance. Some people don’t approve of this program because it teaches you how to apply powerful psychological triggers that could be manipulative if applied with ill intent. I don’t think most people would use it that way. You can find a review of this program at Second Chance Romance Review
Follow the advice in whichever those programs appeals to you, you may actually be appreciative of the breakup because it made your relationship so much stronger in the long run.
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